"And now, you say you want to get rid of it?"
I watched her for a while. It seemed she perfectly understood my point of view. However, as for some other challenges I had in my life, it was easier said than done.
"Yeah", I answered, still hesitating.
Damn this! How could I still be so shy in all those 25 years of life.
Everything I've ever wanted was to get past those obstacles, to act as somebody normal... This time I was even more determinated to get rid of it.
As I was thinking about this, I hit my leg several times with my fist.
Laura noticed my inner rage.
"Hey, keep cool!", she said.
I did not wanted to startle her. I stopped and stood leaning at the counter.
We only knew each other for half a year, but it was sufficient for us to exchange our deepest feelings. From a certain point of view, we were opposite. Laura always seemed to be so happy and open-minded, whatever happened. For me... well... I couldn't say I refused contact at this time, the only problem was my lack of determination. Talking to Laura was no problem. She met me at the pub, near the University. I still don't know how I did this, but we had regular contacts since then. This relationship was something unexpected to me. Maybe it came from the fact that SHE had come to me first. How could she do this? I still didn't know.
"Listen up David.", she said confidently. "I never mocked you from the start, even when you talked to me about your timidity. I really want to help you overcome it, but I can't do the whole thing, you know."
"Er... I... never wanted you to do this for me, I... I know that I... er..."
Damn my timidity! My words never wanted to come out of my mouth. I started to shake. I groaned so loudly that some customers turned and saw me, surprised.
"Stop it, David! Please calm down! Let the words come.", Laura said in a bit angered voice.
I waited a few seconds, still shaking. Then it came clear.
"I know that I have to do the final blow, right?", I resumed.
"Right! You see, when you keep cool, it goes better.", she said smiling.
"I know that my problem of timidity is all inside my head, but I still can't figure out how to... er... get through it... It's as if there was a wall between me and other people that I'm never able to breach."
"It's quite normal, since your Lockdown prevents you from doing it."
I felt astonished. She never made fun of me when I told her about my problems of conscience that probably originated my lack of self-confidence and determination. According to myself, I hadn't been in such a suffering state when I was a child. I guessed it was some dark conscience that was keeping locking me down, in other words I couldn't do or say something to someone without thinking I was doing a mistake. I wasn't a man who wanted ever more. Maybe I should look to the bright side: this Lockdown hadn't turned me criminal yet... but who knew? Who knew what Lockdown was able to make me become? I had to act at the moment!
And at the same moment I noticed that Laura was starting to talk with my words! How could she...
"Look, David. I'm sure that one day, you'll overcome it. I'm trusting you, haven't you forgotten?"
As she took my hands, I could sense a sort of flow passing through my body. It was quite a relief for me every time I touched her hands. The first time she had done this, I had almost cried... This time I couldn't hold my tears anymore.
She saw me breathing irregularly.
"No, don't worry, I know you're not acting!", she eventually said.
"Laura...", I said. "...Thanks for believeing anyway."
I paused for a while as she released her hands from mine. I dried my tears and continued: "If you say so... I'll find a way." I hesitated and finally concluded: "...I promise."
A few minutes later, we said goodbye. I had no courses left to attend that day so I walked my way back home. "It's all in my head", I thought. I kept on thinking this for a moment and said, watching the sky: "If only I could see what's inside my head."
When I finally arrived home, I was incredibly tired. A nap was all I wanted. Nothing would prevent it, my homework, Laura, Lockdown, nothing. I went upstairs, reached my room, fell onto my bed and started to sleep.


I woke up a bit later, but how much later, I couldn't know. I looked to my alarm clock. Nothing displayed. I checked its plug: it was all right. A power cut? Maybe... I took my watch: it had stopped. I rushed downstairs to see the clock in the kitchen: stopped. I tried to turn everything on: nothing happened. For sure, it was a power cut, but why on earth all our battery-powered watches also decided to give up their ghosts?
I wanted to look out of a window but I stopped, petrified.
There was no outside.
The rooms were as bright as a blue sky, but the windows only showed a deep darkness.
I rushed to the front door. As I put my hand to the handle, I heard some voice saying: "Come on, David! Open it!"
Man, I thought. Could this be...
I opened the door and found myself in a completely unexpected room. It was a white circular room, with an almost three-yard radius. Several neon tubes were providing light for it. I entered this strange place and the rooms of my house started to vanish. Ten seconds later, I had this white room in front of me, leaving a completely dark area behind me. A bit afraid, I slammed the door.
It took me one minute to decide myself to walk towards the one who had just talked to me. He was sitting at the centre, in a rotative chair, showing his back to me. As I approached him, he faced me.
This vision nearly gave me an electric shock. What I saw was... ME!!!!!
...
"Stay cool, David.", the alter ego said with a voice that was same to mine. "I don't want to take you over."
"Then... who... who are you? Wh...what the hell is this place?", I asked, trembling with fear.
"You wished to see what's inside your head, didn't you?", he asked in a very mystical tone. "There you have it."
"So this isn't... real?", I continued, still thrilled. "You... you are my... conscience or something that way?"
"Firstly, this is part of the reality. Secondly, I'm what you call a conscience. I've been guiding you even during the hardest episodes of your life. But the one you call Lockdown was always coming back, still growing in power and wickedness, and keeping destroying what I tried to rebuild."
I was glad to hear that all my theories about conscience and locking conscience were partly true. And now I was doing a cannot-do-better-than-this introspection. A thought came through my mind: was I just dreaming? Was it only an hallucination? Had someone put drugs in my food?
"No, you're not doped, David.", the alter ego replied. It seemed that as if he really was my conscience, he could read my mind.
"You talk about a wall set between you and other people, right?"
"Yes... it's true. I just talked about it to Laura."
"I can show you a way to destroy it, but beware: it may be very hard for you to succeed. You have three options. You may leave this room right now, so I'll transport you right to your bed, and you'll wake up a bit later. You may also accept the challenge, in that case two events may happen. You fail: Lockdown will gain access to our place and start reaving it. In the real world, you would be even worse than what you are now, even criminal. This is what you feared to become, okay?"
"Yeah..." I replied, not comforted by this opportunity given to Lockdown to take control of my whole mind. "And what if I win?"
"If you destroy the wall, your spirit will have place to develop, allowing you to be more receptive and determinated in the reality. So, your choice?"
I remembered what I promised Laura. I couldn't refuse that only opportunity. If I declined, I would fall dramatically low in her consideration. No, I had to do it now. For her... For me... I clenched my fists.
"I accept."
"Well... In that case, follow me", the conscience said.
I obeyed. He led me through a maze of rooms, full of papers, desks and monitors, all of those rooms had pictures representing a part of my life: my education, moments of loneliness, clashes with parents or other stupid pupils, the games I played or used to play, relationships that had failed, my entrance to the world of students... So this is my database. I shouldn't corrupt this one.
"And you really shouldn't.", he said solemnly.
Oh, I forgot he could read my mind...
We finally arrive in front of a big wooden door. My alter ego opened it first, to let me go and see outside. It was quite thrilling. We were located in a dark rocky valley, surrounded by high picks and cliffs. I could however see the horizon in front of me. Lightning came from dark clouds. There was nothing vegetal in there: everything I could see was rocks, mountains, cliffs and our "headquarters".
"Are you still determined?" my conscience asked me for the last time.
"Yes, I am." I answered without any hesitation.
"So, good luck, David. I'm counting on you.". He shake my hand, turned back and shut the door.
I stayed at the doorway for a moment, then I set forth to the horizon line, right in front of me, saying: "Here goes nothing!"


The land surrounding me was a real desolation. I had walked more than a mile to see the same reccurent landscape: cliffs on the right side, high mountain peaks on the other side, a desertic plain between them both, approximately a mile wide, and me, standing on the middle of those two barriers.
This would lead me to no good, I thought. I searched through my pockets: everything I had to defend myself was a jack knife. As I opened it, the blade tripled its size. I got startled and dropped it. Wow! So this is... a retractile blade?
It would have been useless to tell my alter ego about my passion for cats. I had one in my house, a particularly affective creature. I had envied these feline beasts: their agility and ability to jump so high were always fascinating. Sometimes I said to myself that it was worth being a cat.
However, I never expected to have a weapon like theirs.
I eventually overrode my fear and picked up my knife. As I touched it at the back of the blade, it shrunk and folded back automatically to the handle. I squeezed the handle again: the blade went out and stretched. It was as long as an eating knife now.
Having mastered my weapon handlings, I resumed my journey, always on the guard. But nobody, nothing was there. Was it really dangerous, after all? Nevertheless, I didn't release my blade. Anything could still happen. There was no wall to see yet.
A few minutes later, I couldn't see the rock barriers on either side. I was walking through a fog in which I could only distiguish the hundred yards around me. The land had become muddy. I had to walk as fast as possible, in order to prevent me from sinking. But the real dangers were the tentacles that had raised one by one from this swamp. If all of this is a representation of a bit of the memories in my head, what is it?
"So here you are! My unhappiness !", I declared in a taunting voice, my blade raised in direction of my enemies.
The tentacles, having heard me, had started to viciously come by my side, crawling on the mud. Three of them encircled me. Still walking ahead, I pointed my blade to them, frowned my eyes, thinking: Come on then, cowards. Taste my wrath.
I stood there, waiting the moment when one of them would dart and attack. Fear had begun to invade my spirit. Two more tentacles came closer. What could I do? If I ran away, the creatures would know that I'm afraid of them, and would chase me and be even more numerous. No, this wasn't a good solution. I had to ignore them, that was all...
Yeah but... they were still there, surveying every single movement I made. I clinged to the handle of my blade, ready to fight, saying to myself: You don't fool me... You don't fool me...
I took several steps ahead, and then one of the tentacles that was laying behind me clasped my leg. It didn't took a second for me to retaliate. I swung the blade, slicing my enemy in two.
I felt strange as I noticed the tentacle dying. It seemed that I was a bit more powerful, more... cheerful. I faced the four other creatures, who had started to crawl back.
"Who's next?" I asked the crowd with a challenging tone.
I quickly got my answer. One big green tentacle went out of the mud and stood vertically. It was only a feet higher than me.
If these enemies could read my thoughts as clear as my conscience had done, they would have known I was not impressed anymore. I quickly plunged my knife in my opponent's body as it was rushing to roll around mine.
The other spectators, amazed by my self-defense skills, started to scatter, leaving me a clear path in front of me. So I walked, avoiding to stay too long on the mud. Sometimes a tentacle would come and try blocking my way, making another trophy in my hunting board.
The fog had got deeper, even if the tentacles got scarce. This time I couldn't see further than ten yards. Two miles later, the ground turned solid again. I stomped my feet to make sure the mud had disappeared, swung my weapon to chase the tentacles that would have attempted to follow me: this omnipresent rocky land was back, and I was alone. This was quiet, too quiet... I wished Laura had been at my side...
And suddenly, coming from nowhere, a shimmering light raised. I ran closer to it and the fog started to dissipate. What could it be? I wondered. I felt like I had found what I was looking for. I could finally see the dark sky, with its lightning clouds. There was no more of this dark mist around, no more horizon, no more mountains either. I had a wall in front of me instead. "This is it!", I exclaimed.
I came closer to the light. It was shining through a small hole in the wall, where one could just insert two bricks to complete it. As I noticed the hole and the light, I questioned myself about the way of dismantling the wall. These bricks looked heavy and the wall seemed to be indestructible. I also tried not to imagine what could occur if someone had inserted the two missing bricks. Then the idea came to me: what if I used my blade? I approached the wall and plunged it between two bricks. The knife went through as if it was a cake.
I carefully carved a brick from the wall and threw it behind me. Bright rays came from the small interstice. How many bricks left? I didn't wanted to know the exact number and resumed my activity. I soon came to my tenth block. I paused for a while. Well, ten bricks out... Not sufficient for me to pass through it anyway. This is getting harder, really... But... What the...!
The last brick I ejected was about to resocket itself into the wall! I eagerly grabbed it and cast it as far as I could. Without losing a second, I turned back to the wall and in less than a minute, ten other bricks went down to the ground.
In the mean time, I was exceedingly getting impatient to see what was behind. I was removing bricks as easy as pieces from a puzzle. From time to time, I looked behind to check if some of them would have returned to their places. Nothing was moving. The more bricks I took away, the brighter the light grew. And the more it grew, the faster the bricks were out. I couldn't contain my excitement anymore. I put my blade back in my pocket and began tearing down the wall barehanded. A dozen bricks fell down at a time when I punched the wall. Two minutes later, I could notice a hole of missing bricks as large as a car. The light had started to shine by my side, too. The environment started to be a bit more distinguishable. But I had to continue, otherwise all my work would have been done for nothing!
I kept on punching and kicking the wall, every single punch making a space as big as a window. I had soon reached the rocky cliffs that was on my left side during my journey. Once there, I grabbed a brick and tried to shake it. The wall started to quake. Even if tiredness had tried to overcome it, I concentrated and put all my forces against the brick. In no more than a minute, the wall got unstable, waved and completely collapsed! None of its bricks was in its original position after such a shockwave. The light, shimmering in the beginning, was nearly blinding. I hid my eyes...
When I finally reopened them, I was feeling better. I took a look around: The sky was deep blue without clouds nor lightning. The rock had been partly replaced by grassland. Behind me, the fog, where I was facing my tentacular enemies, was completely dissipated. I saw some bricks, dissolving into the ground... And when I turned to see what was behind the wall...
I saw a mostly infinite green land, bounded by hills from the same green. I was standing on one of them. I looked down to the plains and I noticed...
"LAURA!"
"David? David, is that really you?"
I hurried, rejoiced by her presence in this land that was, I have to precise, far more welcoming land that what I had been before! I rushed to her, gasping: "Please take my hands!"
She raised her hands to me. But as I had almost got close to her, a dark explosion came right between us, blowing both of us.
In the middle of Laura and me stood a dark silhouette. This shadow man appeared even more tired than me, since he could hardly stand. I drew my blade out and began:
"Well, I suppose you're NOT my conscience!"
"You're right.", the shadow said with a spectral voice. "In fact, I am the one you call... Lockdown!"
Laura remained silent. I waved my hand towards her, to make her understand to stay back. She retreated. I walked to my arch-rival, even if every single step required an effort. I faced him, looked at him with a fierce look and said:
"It's all over, Lockdown. Look what I've done: I've walked at least fifteen miles, I've passed the swamp of unhappiness, I've destroyed the wall between me and the others, and you arrive only NOW? You look pitiful, really..."
"You're... wrong, David. You really... shouldn't under...estimate me..."
"Better not overestimating yourself!", I promptly replied.
Lockdown didn't want to lose, apparently. He leaped to me, shouting. His voice chilled my blood, but didn't fear me. I lifted my blade, as sharp and long as a sword, and as he fell down, swung it towards my enemy who landed decapitated.
A flash came from Lockdown's dark corpse. Laura came closer to see. There were strong gusts of wind coming from the dead body. The girl tried to cling to my arm, but we got separated by the currents. In one minute, both of us were thrown to the outerspace. The force of the wind made me lose my retractile blade. It would be useless in the real world, after all... I closed my eyes...


I found myself in my room, laying in my bed. I turned and saw my alarm-clock: 2:30 PM. I promptly jumped out of the bed, turned on all the lights: everything was working. Well, if I'm back home, that means that... Laura too!
I went back to the University, running. I finally arrived there, exhausted. Nobody was here. The classrooms seemed empty too. I reached the patio and finally met her, there, standing, with her dark hair flowing with the wind. I called her. She turned and faced me, with this same usual blissful smile. "You were really there with me?", I asked.
"Yes... I saw the wall too, and all the efforts you've made to break it... You were brave, honestly."
She took my hand and squeezed it, to make me sure I was no longer dreaming. A dark shadow came from our bodies and went in spiral around us.
"Lockdown! This time you're done for..." I thought.
I saw his dark face for a last time. His eyes were full of hatred, and he told me: "Damn you, David!" before setting forth to the sky.
We looked each other for a while. I declared without an hesitation:
"Well, to celebrate this, what if we spend the night together?"
She was astonished.
"You got some work to do tonight?"
She finally replied:
"No, no, no... It's a pleasure for me. I've always wanted to go out with you but I preferred you to ask first..."
Weird... Was Laura being locked down too?